Week 3 was one of the hardest weeks I had to go through. My anxiety has been so uncontrollable I felt so hopeless but 2 days ago I decided to change up my morning routine after learning about Ayurveda lifestyle and its truly helping. I also started to use my Medical Marijuana vape pen again on my bad days and that's definitely helping. I am trying my best to keep my stress levels low but it is hard being a business owner with so much to do everyday. I am working so hard on self care and practicing new ways to be stress free like more mediation, quiet mornings and holistic routines. I am hopeful that things will get better. My fertility is still like non experience. I still don't have a period or a libido but I know eventually I will gain all that back. My skin was crazy dry with small pimples under my chin but now that I use sesame seed oil as lotion at night my face is soft and glowing. I am trying to stay positive during this process and its hard when I am having a bad day but I am doing my best everyday. its scary to share this journey but I know I am helping so many people by doing this. I am just praying for a better week.
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Here is my week in review
Last night I think I only got 4-5 hours of sleep and woke up before my alarm at 545am. I have my alarm set for 630am. I was tempted to just stay home but got my ass up because I’m so anxious with all the work I have to do today. I didn’t wake up as tired as I have been lately but now I am getting sleepy. Fertility tracker is still giving me a fluctuating reading. Today starts the every 3 day cycle on the pill then I should be completely off by next week. I haven’t experienced anything severe thank god only that one bad day. Also today I am completely giving up my cheat meals and overindulging in snacks. I am so bloated and feel like shit so it’s time to clean up my diet to help with heal my body. Clean eating is going to drastically help my healing off my birth journey. I am actually excited to feel good and lean again. Eating like shit contributes to how tired I feel too. Can’t wait to feel like myself.
Today I’m staying home to rest a bit more. It’s raining here in Philly and rain for sure makes me lazy but I know my body needs rest with all the change that’s going on. yesterday I felt so anxious and overwhelmed. Had to take a big amount of CBD to control my anxiety and say affirmations out loud to calm me down. I had two crying episodes of just feeling frustrated. I know it’s my hormones just all over the place but I hate having extreme anxiety. I am still unmotivated to workout but I continue to move my body no matter how down I have been feeling. I’ll be working out at home today. My face on the right side is super dry but I am also now starting to get little pimples as well. I never had acne issues before but I know getting off my BC it’s common to have acne. Just hoping it doesn’t get too bad.
Good news is that I don’t need as much medical marijuana to get to sleep. When I first started I needed 30mg of edibles to help me go to sleep and stay asleep but now I can take 20 mg. This means my liver is finally responding and I’ll be able to continue to decrease the mg for night time. Fertility tracker still has a fluctuating reading. I feel like I don’t get a good reading until I regain my period 🤷🏻♀️. Hoping for a better day.
Today I experienced another night sweat. I hate these because I get so freaking cold but I’m sweating at the same time. Can’t wait until these stop. My face is soooo dry right now too. Yesterday I had a bad anxiety day and today I woke up with some anxiety. I hardly have an appetite and when I do eat I get bloated. All I want to do is relax, lay down and watch Netflix. This weekend I’m going to try my best to relax as much as I can. I know stress doesn’t help the situation but it’s truly hard to stay optimistic during this time.
My fertility monitor is still a fluctuating reading. I now wonder when is it actually going to get a real reading. Praying for a anxiety free day.
Yesterday was another anxiety filled day. When I arrived to the gym I didn’t think I could complete my workout because my heart was pounding out of my chest, I was short of breath and flushed. After about 20 mins of starting my workout my anxiety got better and I was able to finish my workout . What also helped me was meditating and of course CBD. I can’t wait until my anxiety gets controlled again. Now with my skin I started to use sesame seed oil as lotion and it’s helping my dry skin so much. My skin now feels soft and doesn’t look dry anymore. Other than my anxiety levels, skin dryness and digestion issues I havnt experienced anything else new thank god. Fertility tracker is still reading the same fluctuating reading. This journey will be a long one. I have heard it takes 4-6 months or up to a year to get rid of synthetic hormones from your body. I am praying I am one of the lucky ones that it takes the shortest amount of tint because this shit is hard but I am staying strong.
My anxiety has been the worst. All I want to do is relax and shut everyone out but I won’t. I know it’s important to continue to share my story with you because I don’t ever want this to happen to others. I want you all to learn from my struggles and become your own advocate to heal yourself as I am doing for myself. The only thing that’s keeping me strong is the future because I know eventually my hormones will regulate and I’ll feel better. I started a few days ago following Ayurveda practices in hopes that it will help the healing process. From using sesame seed oil as lotion at night my face looks and feels so much better. I am trying to stay positive everyday but let me tell you it’s really hard when my anxiety feels like it’s out of control but I am continuing to do the things I know that will help my anxiety everyday. I hope this feeling is short lived.
I have been waking up with bad anxiety for about a week now. I have decided to change my morning routine to be less rushed. So now I plan to drop my husband off at the train then come back home to do some self care morning routine stuff like journal, meditate, ice roll and complete my manifesting challenge. Before I would rush to do these things and mostly I would do all this in the car in my gym parking lot but I think being home in the warmth and quietness it’s going to help a lot. I’ll be also trying to change my night time routine by shutting off all technology by 7pm to be present with my husband. I have also decided I’ll just have to use my marijuana vape pen every morning and when I need it until my anxiety gets better. I wasn’t vaping at all but now it’s my only saving grace to relax these palpitations I have everyday. Other than my anxiety, crying episodes and sadness I am doing ok. I have not experienced any new symptoms. I hope with changing my morning and night routine that it will help my anxiety.
It’s day 2 of my morning routine and I am already seeing the benefits of not rushing in the am. My anxiety is not as high but still lingering. Medical marijuana and CBD is helping a lot with my palpitations. My skin is drastically improving with sesame seed oil and my stomach feels great after a few days of clean eating and adding ginger tea in the am. My appetite is finally coming back. I am loving these new rituals to help me be the best version of myself. Ayurveda living is going to help my birth control process so much. I am thankful to have come across it. I still don’t have a period, my libido is still low and of course my fertility monitor is confused but I know with patience everything will come back. Staying hopeful and as positive as I can be.