Man this week I suffered a-lot with anxiety which caused my back pain to worsen. I have suffered with chronic back pain for years and I use to think it was all from nursing or my scoliosis but with the research I have been doing with anxiety I found out that its very common to have localized pain with your anxiety. So now it makes total sense because anytime my anxiety is bad my back pain is excruciating. I literally tried everything to help my pain and nothing was working until I received a new CBD cream and gave it a try. It was the ONLY one that worked and now my pain has decreased thank god. I am working on trying to relax as much as I can this week. Its hard for me to relax with all the todo things I have on my list but I am taking the week off and not working myself so hard. I took the complete day off yesterday and even though my anxiety was still high It felt great to just do nothing so thats my plan for the rest of the week because I NEVER do this. I work my ass off everyday at least I feel like I do lol so I deserve a little break. I will also be less on social media because the notifications increase my anxiety so ill be starting to get off my phone from 7pm-9am just to start off to be more present at home and less dependent on my phone. Wish me luck.
Here is my week in review
I am still waking up with anxiety but the fact that I know I am coming back home to self care calms me down a little bit. I have been using my vape pen a lot lately and living off of CBD. On some extreme bad days I have been saying this affirmation with my eyes closed for one minute “I choose peace over this”. it’s such an amazing affirmations and makes me cry every time I am having a hard day but afterwards I feel so calm; definitely try it my anxiety warriors. With my morning routine being switched I always get anxiety when I do something new so I am hoping once I get use to my routine my palpitations will lesson in the am. Today we start the 4 day cycle of my pill then ill be officially off January 15th. I am so happy that I am not experiencing anything new. I am still taking a lot of supplements to detox and following a detailed clean meal plan to help with the healings process. I havnt notice any reverse of negative symptoms. I am still dealing with the side effects of the pill but I am staying hopeful as much as I can be.
This is off topic of my post pill journey but definitely relates to my anxiety. Today I am definitely filled with sadness, anger and anxiety after finding out I know the person who was looking at my medical records. The fact that this person has done this before makes me sick to my damn stomach and I cant get the name and face out of my head. I feel like I am living in a movie. Weird shit always happens to me smh but
anyway yesterday I had another night sweat. I cant wait until those go away. I am definitely getting them more often now. I have not experienced any other symptoms but I am extremely emotional and definitely cry like 1-2x a day. I am not ashamed of crying though because think we all poop and pee to eliminate so how do we eliminate our emotions? Through crying it’s a great healing tool. As much as it’s hard to stay positive and focused especially when shit keeps happening to me I am a fighter and I know I’ll get through this.
Yesterday was an overall good day. With working out a little later in the day I found my motivation that I needed to push heavier weight. I am still waking up with anxiety and just overall have anxiety all day but I am keeping it as controlled as I can with my self care rituals, herbs and CBD. I still feel tired and not so energetic everyday even if I get 8 hours of sleep. I still have these random episodes of crying and being angry but with what has been going on with me these emotions are normal. Trying to remain strong through these tough times.
My anxiety has been sporadic. For the past 2 weeks I have been waking up with anxiety and having anxiety through out the day. I know things get worse before they get better so thats the only thing keeping me strong. This is how I know that birth control has been a cause to my anxiety because now getting off my anxiety is through the roof. My appetite is back and my stomach feels much better but that’s only because I am eating 100% clean. I can’t wait until I can treat myself and not experience extreme uncomfortable bloating. Anyway I am thankful that my only issue right nor is anxiety. Praying for a good day.
Yesterday I started to experience cramps but still no period which is fine. The fact that I lost my period is also because I dropped a significant amount of body fat when I had abs. Many people strive to have abs but I am being honest they are overrated. You are starving and it completely fucks up your hormones and then you lose your period. Anyway with my anxiety being so high lately It’s causing my severe back pain on my left side which has been an issue for years now. With doing my researching I found out that its common that anxiety can cause localized pain which makes sense why I have suffered with upper back pain for years and when my anxiety gets bad my pain gets bad too. So now with this pain I really need to work really hard on managing my anxiety because this pain is awful and nothing seems to get rid of it. I’ll probably have to go back to Acupunture and really find other ways to try to relax and keep my stress low which is really hard because I even feel anxious when I’m relaxing but I am trying my best.
Its been a struggle with my anxiety. Yesterday I focused on trying to do things that make me happy like shopping and watching Netflix and did very little work to try to decrease my anxiety. Today I stood home and slept in. I legit just woke up at like 1030am and really needed the sleep. I am going to take it easy today and skip my cardio to just relax and keep myself calm. I work my body so hard everyday that I’m going to take an extra rest day this week. I am using a lot of medical marijuana to keep me calm and FNX pain relief cream that I just got yesterday. It was the only thing that helped my pain last night. I’ll be scheduling a massage session as well at my gym hopefully next week. I am doing all the things to try to keep my body relaxed because anxiety keeps me in the fight or flight mode all day and it’s no fun to feel that way.
Today is the last day I take my pill. I have been tapering down for 28 days now and finally I’m done. I cancelled my next shipment and it felt so good to do so. Yesterday I rested and did nothing. It felt really good to relax because I don’t do this often. My anxiety was still high but I at least got to Netflix and chill. I made the decision that I’m going to take it easy this week with work and limit my social media. My phone will now be on do not disturb from 7pm to 9am. So if you message, call or text me around those times I won’t get back to you until after these times. Why am i doing this? Because social media can increase anxiety especially for me since I run my business totally online. I also want to be more present at home and have alone time with my husband without our phones. I am too attached to my phone and that has to stop. So I am hoping this helps to decrease my anxiety. Now My pain is so much better with my new CBD cream it’s the only thing that helped out of all the things I have at home to manage pain. Today I plan to go to the gym, record a podcast, get more CBD and relax. This may sound weird but it’s really hard for me to relax like I don’t even feel right doing so but I know I have worked so hard these past couple months I shouldn’t feel guilty for a few days of unplugging and taking care of me.