I am finally seeing the light under the dark tunnel. For the past 4 days or so my anxiety has finally decreased. I still wake up and go to sleep with anxiety but at least its not lingering all day. I haven't had an appetite for weeks and I am barely eating 2 meals a day but other than that I have been good. I hope my appetite comes back soon because I really need to focus on building muscle but what I do have an issue with is the cravings I am having. I hope that shit stops because I def have gained some unhealthy weight and I feel so bloated and fluffy def not how I like to feel but I feel like my motivation is coming back a little. I am still always fatigued and tired but I also did stop caffeine so that it didn't make my anxiety worse. What I have been doing to improve my anxiety is surrender yoga, exercise, relax more, acupuncture, CBD, meditation, herbal supplements, prayer and positivity. I'll also be trying hypnosis next week. I am just desperate to feel like myself again.
Here is my week in review
Still waking up with anxiety. I’ve decided I’ll be going to find a naturopathic doctor to help me because they are the only doctors who like to find out why vs prescribing another pill. I just feel so off and not myself. This honestly happened to me last year same time in January where I felt so lost and became a medical marijuana patient. I also found a Groupon for hypnosis and I’ll be setting up an acupuncture appointment as well. At this point I’m just desperate to feel better. I still don’t have an appetite and when I do get hungry it’s not for food I should be eating and then when I do eat I automatically get full with a few bites. I still have not reversed any of my symptoms that were caused by the pill. I keep getting told it will take about 6 months but man I seriously can’t be feeling like this for that long. I also need to get some lab work done to see where my hormones levels are. Just hoping with the combination of holistic treatments it can help make this process a little shorter.
Yesterday was an emotional day for me. I was extremely sad and cried about 3x throughout the day. I am an emotional mess. My patience is running thin. My frustration is high. I have seriously just been feeling unmotivated. I haven’t worked for about two weeks and I haven’t cleaned my house in over a month. At least I am trying my best with my workouts and have only skipped about one or two workouts in the past two weeks but I’m only eating 1 to 2 meals a day. yesterday I focused on doing things that bring me joy which is dancing to old school music and visiting my mom to help calm me down. My husband also took me to yoga later in the day and it really helped calmed me down. It was called surrender you only do stretches and mediate. I noticed how tight I am all over my body. Moves I was able to do before were painful so I’ll be going 1-2x a week to loosen up my body. Next week I have acupuncture and hypnosis. Keeping my fingers crossed that all this helps boost my mood and help with my anxiety.
Yesterday finally for once I had a pretty good day. My anxiety was low and by the time I made it to the gym I was anxiety free. I was excited for booty day. I got through my workout without any negative voices. I wasn’t as tired as I have been and I ended my workout session with going to surrender yoga. I’m really loving this yoga because all you do is hold stretches and meditate. I can’t believe how tight my whole body is but I am excited to loosen up my muscles to be able to perform my exercises better and also release all that blocked energy. After my workout I came home to finally clean my home it’s been a little over a month since I have had the energy and motivation to clean. That was the one project I gave myself to do yesterday. When you have anxiety and depression you can’t overwhelm yourself with projects. When your feeling down choose at least one thing you need to do to get yourself up and moving. Overall I had a pretty good day even if I didn’t accomplish a few things that I have been needing to start for my business.
Yesterday was a great day. It’s been a long time since I felt alive and happy. After reading that angel sign 528 it gave me a sense of joy inside that I know eventually I will feel better and things will fall into place. I even had an anxiety free day. I was so productive in meal prepping and even did a little work. I didn’t complain once which is huge. Being off my birth control has made me so fucking moody I even get tired of myself 😂 but I ended the night dancing the night away with my husband and bestie. I really needed a night out to just celebrate being fucking happy 😂. Legs continue these good days please 🙏🏼.
Sunday was a good relaxing day. Another no anxiety day. Thank god maybe my body is adjusting or the loads of cbd I’ve been taking lately is helping me stay sane. I seriously Netflix and chilled all day and it was the best feeling in the world. My appetite is still very low and I haven’t been eating very good when I do have an appetite but this week I need to get my shit together so that my stomach can repair and I’ll start digesting better. I’ve been having all types of bad cravings that is common with getting off the pill. This week I pray to be positive and not let negativity get the best of me. I have to stay optimistic and continue to find joy in each day.
Another good day yesterday with very little anxiety. Seems like now I just wake up with anxiety but then it stabilizes throughout the day. I’ve been taking over 100mg of CBD daily and I know it’s definitely helping. Been more positive lately and really doing great with ignoring the negativity. Been focusing on taking it slow and doing things I love to keep my sanity. Trying to not worry and let things flow as they should be. Control the controllable and let the rest go. Today I’m making it a good day and I’m excited for
Hypnosis and acupuncture later week to continue my self care journey.
I come to realize there is a light under this dark tunnel. My anxiety is still lingering but doesn’t last all day like it was last week. I have my highs and lows depending on what I’m doing each day but I am doing so much to relax my mind and body. Surrender yoga is really helping me slow down my mind and release any stuck energy in my body. I still don’t really have an appetite so I’m hoping that improves because l won’t be able to build muscle if I’m not eating but losing a little weight that I gained from unhealthy food would be good because I feel so swollen especially in my face. I honestly miss my lean body now; I really felt amazing even if I was always hungry 😂 but I’ll get that body back but with more muscle this time around. I am just trying to stay positive as my h as I can because being negativity does no good for anyone. We all have to be brave with shit gets hard. I will overcome this.