It has been a really rough week. All I did want cry from frustration. I am overly stresses and its obviously not helping my anxiety. I did try hypnosis and I felt relaxed but my brain just doesn't shut up which is why hypnosis seems to never work on me. I do have another session so I hope it works in some way. I also booked a cryo/floating therapy to see if that helps to. Right now alot is going on in my life so its been hard to stay positive and keep my head above water. I dont ever feel like working out and my eating hasn't been as good as I want it to be. This is the first time in my life its been hard to be disciplined like I have been for years. I cant seem to get out of this funk and I HATE it because as I am trying to improve my life and mindset this is holding me back in so many ways. Talking negative about life blocks good energy and right now im blocking everything in my life and I dont know how to even start change my mindset on that because in reality I feel like shit and im struggling but I know I have been through so mjuch in the past and I have fought through and came out even stronger so this is just another mountain I have to climb and get over.
My week in review
Yesterday I tried hypnosis for the first time. My body was so relaxed but my mind couldn’t shut the fuck up plus I was seeing tons of images that I could not really focus on relaxing. The hypnosis therapist or whatever you call them gave me another free session to help me learn how to shut my brain off but last night I had a really good sleep without interruption. I also noticed today it’s raining and remembered during hypnosis she said anytime I felt anxiety water would calm me down and immediately I remembered that when I seen the rain. I hope my next session I’ll be able to really let my mind go because I know if I do then this will definitely help rewire my brain to focus more on happiness vs negativity. Other than my anxiety, low energy and lack of motivation I have not had any other issues but still have not regained anything I lost during taking my birth control. Appetite yesterday such a huge progress I ate all my meals except one I just have to improve on my water intake and I am day 3 of no snacks and my belly is feeling happy again.
Today I’m struggling mentally. My anxiety is high and I just can’t get these negative thoughts out of my head. I just want to feel better and be happy. These low moods are effecting me in such a bad way. I just can’t wait to be myself again. Who would have thought that getting off your birth control can make you feel this way. It’s crazy and I’m so disappointed in Myself for letting this happen but I hope you all are learning from my own journey.
I had the most horrible day yesterday. I was extremely emotional thinking of the worst case scenarios in my head. My anxiety was insane. I cried so many times and even screamed because I was just so frustrated with my damn self. I didn’t want to go to the gym so I made it in late then every machine I needed was taken. I then wanted to go home but decided to just do my best but I was so irked by so many people being on the machines I needed. I seriously had to change up my entire workout which annoyed the shit out of me because I never had to do that in my gym. It was like the universe was telling me I should not be there. Then I go into the sauna and there is someone who is butt ass naked like tits, vagina and butt out I’m like what the fuck embrace and love the skin you’re in but man not in the sauna. Then I went to yoga and completely balled out cried when I heard this song called I’m not giving up. I got out of yoga and realized my pants were on backwards. What a fucking day. I went home took my night time medicine and just cuddled my blankets and went to bed at 5pm and today I’m still fucking anxious.
This weekend I just relaxed which is something my body has been needing way more now a days. I have no desire to do anything else but Netflix and chill.
I decided to stay home today because yet again I’m just so tired and fatigued. Been feeling so down lately about everything. Can’t seem to shake this low mood, fears and doubts. This shit is hard.
I have been having some rough mornings waking up with anxiety. So much fear and negative thoughts about how my life is going. I feel hopeless most days tired and fatigued. I’m so tired of being tired. This is the hardest thing I have had to go through as far as my body and how long it’s taking for me to be back to myself. I feel like I have lost my discipline and desire but I’m trying everyday to be better. I am upset with myself most days with my lack of eating or eating snacks. My lack of motivation really is putting me down but I will get through this.
Last night I noticed I had some breast tenderness but still no period. My fertility tracker is still reading fluctuating and I have not regained anything back that I lost. Anxiety has been high all week so it’s been hard to focus and be motivated to workout and actually work. Taking things day by day and trying not to let my fears and doubts take over me.