Post Birth Control Journey Week 13

Now that we are going through this crisis in our country with the coronavirus my anxiety is extremely up. I certainly didn't need the extra anxiety with all thats going on with my body. This week has been ok. My mornings have been rough with waking up with palpitations but the go away and don't linger all day. I seen a new doctor yesterday which I go into more detail of my visit on day 92. I am very nervous about all of this because I do have an under active thyroid and who knows how long that has been happening to me. I discussed thus with my mom and she told me a-lot of my family have thyroid issues which really made me depressed over the whole situation. It's like I don't catch a break. I take care of my body so well and it just upsets me that this is happening right now. I will be put on a medication that I have to take every morning but its a supplement not a pharmaceutical so that makes me a little less worried about potential side effects. I just hope and pray this is not longterm and that I can live a normal life like I have been for 31 years. Thinking about all of this gets me so anxious. I just wonder if I didn't go on birth control if I would have had the same problems or was it the birth control that made things worse. The unknown is always what gives me anxiety, Trying to change my mindset. Below I provided you the values of normal thyroid levels. Keep in mind different places have different values but my levels are def not normal. Jan 2019 it was 8 Oct 2019 it was a 3 and Feb 2020 it was a 10. I am typing to stay confident that it can drop down and that my current issue is the stress and being off my BC. Please pray I so need it

My week in review

Day 87

I choose peace over this is the affirmation I have to tell mushy every morning when I am awaken by my anxiety palpitations. This shit seriously sucks. I can’t wait to see a new doctor in hopes she can help me. I feel like cognitive therapy wound help a lot too so I’ll be looking into that to try to rewire my brain to think different.

Day 88

Same shit different day, I always write these immediately when I wake up and it’s always the same feeling of being awake by my anxiety. All I feel is my heart pounding out of my chest. It’s buy w really good feeling and from experience hormonal imbalance is definitely the worst thing I have ever experienced. It’s like I don’t feel myself but when you look at me I don’t look sick. Invisible illness but it’s truly there.

Day 89/90

I had a really bad night sweat last night. Body chills completely soaked not a great thing to experience. I’m

Glad I don’t get them often now. I use to get them here and there on birth control then when I got off there was a week where I was having it frequently and then it stopped until last night. I havnt experienced any new symptoms the worse thing to deal With is the anxiety. I’m starting to regain my energy I noticed this whole week I wake up early and not sleepy so that’s a huge improvement. Praying this journey doesn’t take as long as people say it would. 4-6 months up to a year is no fun to deal

With all this shit

Day 91

Another hot flash happened last night. Wake up fatigued and tired. I have been approved for 2 weight lifting days this week and I was excited until I woke up so dang tired. I plan to do leg day today but take it slow and not go too heavy until I feel like myself again. Hoping to have a calm day. My workload is starting to increase and I’m a little fearful that my anxiety will increase due to creating stress but this is something I need to do to pay my bills so I’ll try my best to do lots of self care.

Day 92

This coronavirus stiff is getting me more anxious. I’m not afraid of the actual virus because as a nurse I have had to take care of people with deadly diseases but my fear stems from everything closing and unable to live our lives normally but I won’t dwell on my fears or negative thoughts because they don’t make me feel better. Good news today I still get to see the new doctor thank god they didn’t cancel on me. Hoping this doctor listens to me and is able to help me naturally. Got my period mid day and it’s lolls like normal blend bright red blood

Day 92

Went to the new doctors yesterday and she was definitely much better and concerned. Her personality was strong and made me a little uncomfortable but she was definitely very helpful. We took labs for my hormones, vitamins and neurotransmitters to finally get answered. She did prescribe me something for my under active thyroid. I told her I didn’t want to be on synthroid that I wanted something more natural and that’s exactly what she did so now I ordered my supplement and just waiting to receive it since it’s not a pharmaceutical. I am suppose to take it every morning and my labs should be back in 2 weeks. I go back to see her April 7 to review labs and see what is next as far as treatment to get my self back. I did have to pay out of pocket for the vitamins and neurotransmitters to be checked which sucks I dont understand insurances like they just want to pay for medication and sometimes barely that. Im like why the fuck do I have insurance if 99% of the things I need to do to feel better is out of pocket. The frustration I have with this health care system is unbelievable. I have so much fear thats going on with my life which I know is no good for me to dwell on it but its hard with I m currently dealing with it on top of this corona scare. I just hope and pray things get better and that I dont have to be on this medication all my life. I pray that my body gets it shit together and I can be the jasyra I was before all this shit.

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